Friday, April 21, 2006

damn that tabloid media!

Is there no lie they wont tell just to make ratings!

Ive had to get the lawyers out today.

I dont like to do it, but entertainment tonight goes too far!

I present to you the "news" headline they had today.

"Hercules the Wondermonkey. Islamic Jihadist?"

They then went on to claim my reasons for being in hiding for the past few years had something to do with being in a terrorist training camp in Uzbekistan!

Well, if you check now they have removed this scurrilous article under threat of legal action.
But have thus far failed to post a retraction.

I tell you there are people in the entertainment industry threatened by my talents who wish to ensure my comback does not succeed.

Is it not far more likely that this picture they found of me "at a mountain training camp, armed and wearing terrorist garb" is in fact a publicity still from an upcoming role?

Mayhaps i was on LOCATION in uzbekistan!

Mayhaps i have the acting role of the century.

.... i cannot say more, i'm under a non disclosure agreement from the studio...

but tis a challenging role to play... While i cannot divulge this role, not only for commerical reason, but for safety reason, my career is not in the wastebasket as pundits may say, but in fact, i've bin laden down with hard work and offers of roles.
This is why ive not been on any talk shows lately.

NOT because of *That* Dr Phil incident.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Oh the skies, the wonderful skies...

Despite the convincing illusion of my ability to fly unassisted, notably in my compelling cinematic work "Supermonkey", alas, I must let you in on a little secret. My flight scenes were created with the help of movie magic and special effects. Yes, tis true.

Sorry to break the illusion my faithful fans, but alas, my unassisted abilities only include large leaps, bounds and spins. Sure sure they may be far beyond the skills of the most talented human olympic gymnasts, but for a rare tropical snowmonkey they are merely a part of our superior genetics.

However, despite this revelation above, Flight IS a passion of mine.

How so you say!? You just told us you can nought but leap, bound and spin!

Ahhh, and here is the sad moment of me to tell to you of my long lost friend Gerry Gyrocopter....

The feeling of soaring with the birds, high above in the trusty protection of my rotory angel, Gerry Gyrocopter.

I simply must obtain a new gyro one of these days.

If for no other reason than being able to park on roofs and avoid all the ground based traffic.

Because i must say, To quote:
"Crikey... the traffic's heavy today"

Hercules the Wondermonkey has a Blog!

Yes - that's right, the ever popular "Hercules the Wondermonkey" finally has his new web presence.

I know you all have been eagerly awaiting news of my recovery, and here it is! Im Back and Better than Ever!

Following a series of unfortunate accidents that rendered me unable to continue my career in acting, ive been forced to keep a low profile for some time.

Additionally there were some unfortunate legal issues which meant many internet references to me had to be aggressively eliminated. Well no more!

In defiance of many threats to my personal safety, i feel it is important that you, my faithful fans, have access to knowledge of me once again. And thus, here I am.

I'll be getting back to you all shortly with further entries in this Blog!